*whumpf* man down

issue/64

hello friend

I’m Pete Carr. I'm a photographer and this isn't a photography newsletter. This is a form of "Rubber Duck Debugging". Writing helps me process thoughts and work through problems. So I write to my computer about issues relating to mental health and being autistic. I then share it with you fine folk. There's nice photos too. 🖖


hello computer

Hello friend. Are you ok? I am... ok. Sort of. This week has been a battle and a blur. A couple of things have gone well but they are alone in a raging sea. I set aside my Thursday to pull this newsletter together. It is late Friday afternoon and I am just getting started. Not for any executive function reason but due to a migraine. I get these nightgraines now. They occur silently during the night and I wake up in the morning half way through the pain. It is too late to take any medication so I wait it out. This happened yesterday. I lost my writing day. Today my brain is still hazy and I can't focus. I've got 4 documents open trying to pull something together and nothing is working. I can normally knock a newsletter out in a day. I have a clear sense of when it is done and nothing I've been working on feels good. If my Spider-sense says no I must trust it.

On top of this my cat, Starbuck, has not been well. She isn't getting better but at least she isn't getting worse. In 1 hour I have to start the cats medication again. She requires 5 sets of medication a day. 4 of which are repeated every 4 hours and you have to leave a 30 minute gap between each one. It takes 2 hours to sort. You rest for 2 hours and then repeat. I am thankful that I can spare the time to care for her. 

Wednesday was a nightmare of a time where every minor task required 10 complex jobs to achieve. I needed to do one simple thing which required something else fixing which required something else fixing which required something else fixing because because because because. blerg I couldn't get a simple win. It's possible everything was harder because I was fighting depression at the time. I could feel myself falling. All because I compared my success to someone else's and I felt like a failure. I'm not. Damn it I'm not! Yet their number was bigger. Ugh. I know I know. It's how you use it. Still. Bigger. I tried telling brain that at least they had success and that is a good thing. I should be happy for them. I am happy for them. None of this life is easy so for anyone to have success is a good thing. I just needed a win this week. Ah but maybe they needed it more? A fair point. 

I'm sorry this hasn't been a deep and insightful week. It's just been a week. Another week on top of last week and last month and last year. I should be glad I can at least do this. This is something. 

Take care out there. Dance like people are watching but you don't care.


weekly prints

You can get prints of the photos in this weeks newsletter on my print store

I have a limited selection prints for sale on my archive print shop. Featuring Liverpool, New York, Venice, The Wirral, and beyond (starscapes!) 

This weeks photos are from a wander around London back in 2007. A very long time ago. Before the iPhone. 


support

I have a selection of Icelandic photographic prints for sale with my friends at Dorothy.

There is no paid subscription to this newsletter but there is a tip jar.


beam out


end

“Be bold. Be brave. Be courageous.” Christopher Pike, Captain USS Discovery.

Thank you for taking the time to read this newsletter. I’ll be back. Feel free to subscribe or send to a friend.

petes out

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